Impact Wrestling on AXS TV results of their nostalgic 1983 retro special show called “Impact Provincial Wrestling Federation” on 11/26/19 (the show was taped weeks ago):
The broadcast opened with a 1980s style video montage and a voice over announcer who said they were at a TV studio in Mississauga, Ontario (Canada). It was actually at Don Kolov Arena in the city.
Josh Mathews is using the alter ego name Giuseppe Scovelli, Jr. and Don Callis is Sexton Hardcastle (aka Edge’s old indie wrestling name).
The ring announcer Doug Stevensen read off a list of names who are the fictional IPWF’s sanctioning board members. He mentioned Chuck Fader and the late Douglas Chevalier, who were the founders of Border City Wrestling in Windsor, Ontario, Canada (along with Scott D’Amore). Chevalier was a wrestler in Canada known as The Canadian Destroyer. He was Scott D’Amore’s mentor and the man who Petey Williams named “The Canadian Destroyer” wrestling move after in tribute.
Stevensen said the show is promoted by Giuseppe Scovelli, who is the father of Mathews’ character. These are the typical insider references and jokes that the Impact creative team use to make each other laugh.
Rip Rayzor (aka Ace Austin) vs. Rapid Delivery Pete (aka Rich Swann)
Austin is a punk rock gimmick and Swann is a pizza delivery guy.
Pete got the pin after a slam and crisscrossing the ring for a splash.
A Canadian announcer named The Ice Man interviewed Ethan Page (as Julian Cumberbun) and Sami Callihan (as Sonny Sanders) in alter ego gimmicks. They said Page is the International Commonwealth Television Champion and Callihan is his manager. Callihan was dressed as Jim Cornette and even carrying a tennis racket. They talked about Page’s opponent ”Downtown” Daddy Brown in way over the top 1980s style promos.
Willie Mack (as “Downtown” Daddy Brown) came out to confront them. He said he was going to take them downtown tonight and win the title.
Callihan said he was leaving and they could settle it against each other. Of course he immediately attacked Mack from behind with the tennis racket and held him for Page to punch him. Page of course hit Callihan by accident. Mack gave Page an elbow to the head and stripped him of his suit down to his underwear. This whole segment was totally embarrassing.
A music video aired for The Deaners under the names Oats and Hall with the tag team name “The Hard Workers”. They are supposed to be like The Freebirds or The Fabulous Ones I guess.
Ice Man interviewed Excessive Force who are Fallah Bahh and D’Lo Brown. I guess they’re supposed to be like The Wild Samoans.
Mathews said some of the wrestlers will appear in the upcoming Atari wrestling video game that he and Callis will do commentary for.
D’Lo Brown was pinned with a sunset flip. Brown and Bahh attacked them after. Bahh did a splash which ruined the top hats The Deaners were wearing when they came out to the ring.
They showed a fake video of Jake and Dave Crist doing an 1980s surfer tag team gimmick like The Dynamic Dudes.
Johnny Swinger vs. Buck Gunderson (as themselves)
Swinger got the pin with the Swinger Neckbreaker. Mathews said they have some “new technology” called instant replay to show the finish again.
A video promo aired of Rhino as Frank The Butcher. He said will be coming soon to the IPWF and talked about jumping territories. He was Frantic Frank in WWE’s Southpaw Regional Wrestling.
Ice Man interviewed The Rough Riders who are Tessa Blanchard, Jessicka Havok, Jordynne Grace, and Alexia Nicole. They’re supposed to be like a cross between The Four Horsemen and a female biker gang. They made sexual innuendos.
Videos aired of wrestlers hyping up fake dates for fake house shows throughout Canada.
Jazzy Fitbody (Madison Rayne) vs. Agnes Beerhart (Alicia Edwards)
Rayne got the pin with a splash from the second rope. Her gimmick was a stereotypical 1980s aerobics instructor. Edwards was generic talent enhancement.
Jimmy Jacobs (as “The Hit Maker” Sebastian Baker) was watching at ringside and he went into the ring after the match. He told Rayne that he’s been watching her for six months and she’s got what it takes to be one of his stars. He offered her a contract and threatened her if she refused.
Rayne signed the contract but then kicked him in the groin. She tore up the contract and stepped on the pieces in aerobics style. She was very charming as the character and pulled it off well.
They showed a backstage promo with Kongo Kong and his manager The $300,000 Man (R.D. Evans) talking about a body slam challenge coming up later on.
Josh Alexander as Tim Burr (a lumberjack), Jim Nasium, (Dezmond Xavier as a gym teacher), Bill Ding (Trey Migel as a construction worker), and Ray Strack (Zachary Wentz as a race car driver) vs. The Rough Riders
Alexia Nicole is named Mildred Moore. Jessicka Havok is LadyBird Johnston. Tessa Blanchard is Blanche Ardmore. Jordynne Grace is Georgia Cobb.
Blanchard pinned Wentz with the buzzsaw DDT when he missed a splash and all of the other women knocked the other guys off of the ring to stop them from making the save.
This was a comedy match but pretty entertaining for what it was. Mathews said Blanchard and Grace are regional tag champions. Alexander did a double axe handle off the ropes and Callis sold it like it was a big high risk innovation move. Wentz acted like a hyper active race car driver and Callis said he better slow down or else he’ll never make it in the business.
They showed footage “from last week” of a guy named Ali unable to slam Kong Kong in a body slam challenge.
Mr. Atlantis came out to answer the challenge this week. The prize is $3,000. He was about to pick Kong up but Kong wouldn’t allow it and beat him up.
Muscles McGhee (Brain Cage) came out. He said he’s not out there for the money, he’s there for the people and to represent Canada. He threw R.D. Evans out of the ring. Kong tried to fight, but Cage was able to slam him and take the duffle bag full of money.
A backstage promo aired with Tommy Dreamer (as himself) talking about coming back in two weeks after being suspended for using an illegal move. He name dropped Jack Tunney, Vince McMahon Sr., and Vince McMahon. He said he slapped little Vince. He threw in an”egg sucking dog” line that Terry Funk uses.
They showed footage of Moose (as DJ Too Large) pinning Captain Joystick (Joey Ryan as an airline pilot).
A video promo aired with Ryan and Kiera Hogan (as Ms. Mile High, a stewardess) inside an airplane cockpit. It’s a talk show segment. Moose was the guest but Ryan kept cutting him off when he tried to speak. Moose grabbed the mic and did a lame rap. Ryan said Moose was ejected from the cockpit. Moose refused to leave so Ryan said he would go instead. He tried to jump Moose and they fought to purposely knock over and reveal the green screen that they were all in front of. This was really bad.
They showed video of Gama Singh (as himself) throwing a fireball at Cowboy Colt McCoy (Eddie Edwards). A locker room promo was shown of McCoy from weeks ago. He said he has all kinds of eye damage and there’s a 70% chance he could lose his sight.
Gama Singh (as himself with Dada Singh) vs. Colt McCoy (Eddie Edwards) in a blindfold match
Edwards got the pin after a cutter. Dada Singh tried to interfere on the ring but Edwards was able to punch him off.
Ice Man went into the ring after the match to interview Edwards. Edwards did a baby face cowboy promo and then Michael Elgin and Mad Man Fulton ran in and attacked him. Elgin and Fulton are doing 1980s Cold War Russian heel gimmicks.
Scott D’Amore went in the ring using the name Giuseppe Scovelli, Sr. He’s the “old man” owner of the territory and the father of Mathews’ character. He told “The Soviets” to stop hurting Edwards. They knocked him down and then put the Soviet flag over Edwards. Callis sold it like the flag draping was the most disrespectful thing to do to a person. He said it could lead to World War 3. Mathews said he will have to take over the territory if his father is injured.
D’Amore did an upset interview with Ice Man. He was doing a stereotypical Italian immigrant accent from old movies. He said his family poured every penny they have into the IPWF from their shop business only to have it disrespected by The Soviets. He said he doesn’t care about his doctor’s orders and a bad hip, because next week, he’s going to step in the ring one last time to team with Colt McCoy against The Soviets. Of course he used the segment as an excuse to show off his gold Rolex watch again. He left and then came back to tell the crowd that the hot dogs and popcorn were now one half off.
The irony is that D’Amore actually used his family’s garbage collection business money in Canada to buy his way into the pro wrestling business with Border City Wrestling back in the early 1990s. Now he’s using Anthem as “money marks” so he can hire his friends into Impact Wrestling and do stupid comedy like this show.
Downtown Daddy Brown (Willie Mack) vs. International Commonwealth TV Champion Julian Cumberbun (Ethan Page with Sami Callihan as his manager Sonny Sanders) in a loser leaves town match
Mack got the pin to win the title after Page collided into Callihan on the ring when Callihan tried to interfere. Several members of the locker room came out to celebrate with Mack afterwards and they put him on their shoulders which was a trendy thing to do in the 1980s when a baby face won a title in some territories.
At one point in the match, Page tried to take a rest by hiding in the crowd. He pretended to be one of the fans cheering for Mack. Mack found him and gave him a comedy punch to the face.
This was a bad. It was a ripoff of WWE’s Southpaw Regional Wrestling and Olde Wrestling. These retro wrestling shows are only good for a couple of laughs in small doses as an online format or as a minute or two segment on TV. A two hour version is like an SNL skit that goes way too long.
The Rough Riders stable was the best thing on the show and it looked like a one-off thing based on the last set of Impact TV tapings. It would be great to see the other women help Blanchard counter the rest of OVE at the Jan. ppv against Sami Callihan as something different.
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